Chapitre Un

Wow. I'm a newbie to this blogging thing, and don't feel particularly brilliant right now, but here goes. (oops, run-on, shame on me.)

I suppose I could start by explaining the title. The biggest part of my journey with God deals with His love, which makes sense because God = Love, remember? Well, if you're anything like this born-and-raised 5th generation Pentecostal, that's something you've heard over and over, but never heard in that quiet space between your heart and your mind. This last year has been the greatest and the worst with finally letting the fact that God is love echo and reverberate in that chamber, again and again, until the certainty of that fact liberates, comforts and compells me. Some days I have to do it continually in order to combat all the junk within and without me.

See, I fell in love with God's love to a deeper degree about 6 months ago. A light came on. And an accompanying one turned on within, and its warmth is something I cannot live without. I won't. And a deeper, fuller, more impacting certainty of the fact that God loves me, and thus He will never leave me, has served to liberate me to a degree I'm still grappling to understand. Seriously, the ramifications of God's love are innumerable.

He died for our sins....because He loves us. He longs to hear about everything we go through (prayer).....because He loves us. He doesn't want us to give up and walk away from Him when we screw up.....because He loves us. And obviously, these statements don't even scratch the surface.

But all those are beautiful, religious platitudes. The love of God has gotten into my every day. I can get up in front of a group of 150 plus in kids church and teach a lesson because no matter how it goes, He will be there and He loves me. If I try to witness to someone and make an idiot of myself, so what? He still loves me. If I get up to do a monologue in front of the whole church, shaking like a leaf, He is right there at my elbow, supporting me all the way. There is liberty and freedom to try all kinds of new things, for "all things are possible with God," especially one who loves me. (really? me?)

And the biggest lesson in the stupendous, amazing, rich, powerful love of an almighty God is this: when your grandfather passes away totally unexpectedly on November 19th, 2010, a man woven into the very fabric of every single childhood memory, when that man is suddenly just gone, the love of my God is one that wraps you up when the sobs are such that breath is nearly impossible.

The love of God isn't just nice. It's not a Hallmark card, or a cheesy speech from a chick flick. It is a necessary support system undergirding my next step and protectively carrying me when my feet simply won't move. I need His love. But accepting and internalizing that love into that quiet space I talked about is a process. And that's the biggest part of my journey.....probably one that will end only on that great day I get to see His wonderful face....and finally tell my PawPaw just how much I loved him.