pseudo-romantical musings

I may not even post this...

Relationships are hard. We bring who we are into them, and not just the adorable parts. The hurt parts. The broken parts. The unattractive, downright ugly parts. And letting another flawed individual into those parts, letting them see it all, is risky. There's trust involved. So much trust.

This blog is called the progress and process of love, right? Process is most assuredly the word.

I am happy to say that I have accepted the love of God down deeper inside of myself than I ever dreamed possible. I know as certainly as I'm breathing that He loves me, even those ugly parts. I still have times when I don't want to show Him certain parts of me. They seem so ugly in the presence of One so beautiful. But He handles me with such care. His touch is so gentle when passing over our broken parts.

A year or so ago, I struggled with letting Him love me. That looks absurd even as I type it. Nothing I have ever done or will do could change how much He loves me. But I held Him at bay. Said things like, Lord, You don't want me. I know me. Really, why do you love me? Why? Why?

That three letter word ripped me apart at times. Taunting me. Raising up old hurts and mistakes, for why would a God so good, love someone so bad? Wrestling with this was the most intimate, quiet struggle to date in my life. But I am so glad to have done just that, wrestled with why God loves me, mainly because I love the answer:

He just does.

Yep. It's that small, that simple, and the most profoundly revolutionary faith moment in my (now) 26 years. He, God Almighty, loves me, passionately, jealously, fervently, and for absolutely no good reason at all. The acceptance of this one fact has quieted so many feverish worries and anxieties...but I've talked about that before.

Still, accepting the perfect love of God that casts out all fear, took some time, was a process, and is one that is not complete for me.

So, humanity gets thrown into this scenario with that big, powerful (often over-used) word, LOVE. Those who don't have it, wonder. Those who have found it, seem to strive to maintain it. Because if accepting the love of God is hard.....

yeah, like I said, relationships are hard. and people who don't pray about them are crazy.